There’s been a death in the family. There’s no money in the bank to buy groceries. You’re getting a divorce. These situations are all difficult for adults to handle, let alone kids.
Being honest with your kids can be hard, and sometimes, it might be easier to lie in order to keep the peace. However, there are some situations you should always be honest with your kids about. After all, kids are often sharper than you think, and being truthful with them can help them emotionally develop. Here are some of the situations where you should always tell the truth to your children:
Divorce
If you and your spouse come to the decision to get a divorce, it’s crucial that you are honest and open with your kids about it. Divorce is very hard on kids, especially if it involves drawn-out legal battles and arguing. They may even begin to blame themselves if they don’t understand why the divorce is occurring.
The best thing you can do is sit down with your kids and explain why you and your spouse are divorcing. Explain that it isn’t their fault, and answer their questions as honestly as you can. If you have a younger child or toddler, let them guide the conversation about the divorce. Tell them what is going on in words they understand, then let them lead the conversation from there by answering their questions instead of flooding them with information.
Never lie about what is going during the divorce proceedings. If your spouse may be dangerous to your or your kids during the proceedings, make it clear to your kids why they may not be trusted. This does not mean you should bad mouth your spouse, nor should you try to manipulate your children’s feelings: just be honest.
Being honest and open during a divorce will help kids feel listened to and keep them from taking the blame. It will also make the time after the divorce easier on both you and your family.
Financial Problems
You’ve lost your job, or you just don’t enough to cover everything every month. Maybe you even have to spend the next six months going through sector 7 bankruptcy proceedings. Money and financial issues are not an easy thing for adults to discuss and can scare even the most well-off men into changing subjects. However, you should be honest with your kids about the financial situation you are in.
That doesn’t mean you have to tell your seven-year-old that you can’t buy them a toy. Young kids have a difficult time understanding the abstract concept of money. Instead, explain it in simple terms. You want to make sure they feel secure and safe, but also informed.
Teaching your kids about money can be as simple as asking questions when they want something, like, “That toy costs $20. It would take Mommy two hours of work to pay for it. Would you work for two hours for that toy?” Exercises like this can help teach about the value of money.
In the case of older kids and teens, honesty is the best policy. Explain to them what has happened as clearly as possible. Make sure they understand what effect this may have on them and answer their questions honestly. Ensuring that they know the limits of any budget you set.
The last thing you want is for your kids to feel insecure and fearful when it comes to money. Not only will they struggle with discussing their own financial problems later on, but they will also be more likely to hide any financial mistakes they make rather than asking for help. This can lead them into debt and other financial issues.
Teenagers are the ones who can learn the most from financial problems within the family. Show them where you went wrong: maybe it was spending an annual average of $1,700 on apparel or getting a credit card to pay for some expenses. Encourage them to learn about money management and to be careful with their money.
Death
Death is hard, whether it was Fluffer the cat or Grandma. Explaining it to a child, however, is often much harder. Regardless, it’s best not to lie about it.
This is because lying about the death of a pet or loved one will confuse them later when another death occurs. Again, try to explain in terms they understand but avoid phrases like “passed away” or “resting in peace” as a young child isn’t likely to understand them. Instead, they may interpret that they will die if they sleep or that you will die if you leave.
It helps to explain death in terms of physical functions. Try an explanation like, “Fluffer’s body doesn’t work anymore. She can’t run or walk or eat or sleep. She’s not in any pain either.” Make sure they know it’s okay to be sad and reassure them when asking questions about who will care for them you die or other such things.
An older child will probably have an easier time understanding that someone has died. Be honest about what happened. Whether it is one of 379 fatal car accidents caused by an impaired driver or one of the millions of long drawn out battles with a terminal illness, let them know that whatever they’re feeling is okay. Help them find appropriate ways to let out those emotions.
Answer their questions and help understand what is happening. Death isn’t easy for anyone, but lying about to your kids will only make it harder on them.
Health Problems
A terminal or life-altering diagnosis is extremely difficult to comprehend, whether it affects you or a loved one. It may be difficult to do, but you need to honest with your kids about it.
Once again, with young kids, explain in overly simple terms and leave the medical jargon out. They may ask the same questions over and over again, and you may have to explain the illness to them many times.
At the same time, it’s extremely important to make sure that young kids know that illnesses like a cold will not hurt them or kill them. Be honest with them about what you or their loved one is going through and make sure they understand what can and cannot do around them.
You can go into more detail with older kids about an illness in the family, and even explain the treatment you or loved one has chosen. If they are old enough, you may even want to encourage them to research the illness on their own and come back with questions.
Be open about how you are feeling emotionally, even if you not the ill party, and make sure your child or teen know that you are there for them. If you are sick, make sure they know who they can turn to help and comfort when you cannot be there for them.
It’s not fun to watch someone you love deal with an illness. Being open and honest about will help them understand what is going and how they can deal with it.
There are a lot of situations where lying would simpler and easier, however, it wouldn’t be right. Helping kids understand concepts like terminal illness, divorce, and money is an important part of parenting. Most importantly, don’t doubt your kid’s ability to understand what is going on and make sure they know they are safe and cared for.
